What Makes a Man
by Ginger S
Summary: Sometimes the rescues they are called on bring up emotions for Johnny and Roy that are hard to deal with.


**What Makes a Man**

**By GCS**

_**DISCLAIMER: "Emergency!" and its characters © Mark VII Productions, Inc. and Universal Studios. All rights reserved. No infringement of any copyrights or trademarks is intended or should be inferred. This is a work of fiction, and any similarity to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. This story is only written for entertainment. No financial gain is being realized from it. The story, itself, is the property of the author.**_

Fall in California brought with it cooler temperatures in the early morning hours. This particular morning a cool breeze accompanied the dip in temperature. Too cold for a morning swim, too tired for a morning run, Johnny Gage found himself just sitting in the sand watching the waves crash against the beach. He needed time to think. The rest of his crewmates had gone to breakfast after their shift, but Johnny had declined their offer to go along. Sometimes when things really got to him after a difficult shift he simply needed his space. His shift mates knew this about him and had suspected as much by his actions towards the end of shift. Johnny had been avoiding conversation with his friends since their last run at 4 am. It had been called in anonymously as an unknown rescue at a low income apartment complex. Most bystanders witnessing this type of 'accident' did not want to get involved. Like most rescues involving abused or neglected children the paramedic, visibly shocked at the situation, found himself remembering another child long ago. Sure the kid would heal from the latest injuries, but at what cost; most of the time the child would simply be returned to the parents only to suffer another injury later on.

Johnny sat staring at the ocean, staring at nothing really. In truth he was lost in his thoughts. He had been sitting in the same spot unmoving for at least an hour when Roy pulled his car in next to Johnny's Rover. Roy knew Johnny better than anyone; after all they are partners and best friends. Not wanting to startle his friend Roy stopped beside his car and waited for a few minutes before continuing toward him. Roy studied Johnny's posture for some indication of how he might react to his following him here. Johnny sat kind of hunched over with a blanket loosely draped across his slender shoulders indicating to Roy that he was very bothered by something. Ordinarily Johnny sat tall and proud. Bouncing with energy he rarely sat still for any length of time. Feeling it safe to approach he stepped into the sand and eased up next to him. Holding the fast food bag out to Johnny, Roy asked him if he was hungry, John Gage was always hungry. Johnny accepted the offered food and coffee with a slight grin. "Thought you went to breakfast with the guys," Johnny looked over at his partner.

"That was over an hour ago Junior."

"Oh," Johnny looked a bit surprised to learn that he had been out here over an hour already. "I didn't realize it had been so long."

"Something got you down?"

"Nah, just thinking about that little boy."

"Yeah, I thought so."

"Roy, I just cannot understand how people can treat kids the way they do sometimes. I mean, parents are supposed to take care of their children. Why did they even have kids if they didn't want to take care of them? You know give them a good home, keep them safe, teach them things."

"I don't know Junior. I just don't know."

The two friends sat in companionable silence for some time as Johnny ate his breakfast sandwich and finished his coffee.

"Thanks for breakfast Roy. I was hungrier than I thought."

"Johnny you are always hungry."

Roy got up and dusted the sand from his pants. He reached out his hand and helped Johnny get up as well. "I have to get home to Joanne and the kids. She has a honey do list a mile long. If you get bored at your place you are welcome to come and help me with it," he said with a hopeful smile on his face. "I think I can get her to throw in a really good dinner too."

"I'm gonna go take a nap first Roy. How about I come over around 2 this afternoon? Will that give us enough time to get everything done?"

"Sure Johnny that will be just fine. I am tired myself. A nap sounds really good right now."

The two friends walked back to their vehicles.

"Roy, do you think that people will ever learn how precious children are?"

"I don't know Johnny. Some will, but I guess there are those that never will."

The two friends departed for their respective homes both deep in thought about the abused little boy from their earlier rescue. Dr. Brackett had called social services to investigate the broken arm and bruising that had decorated the boy's abdomen and back. The mother had indicated that the boy had fallen down some stairs at the apartment complex, but some of the bruising had already begun to heal meaning they were from previous injury. The x-rays also revealed that the boy had suffered broken ribs and a fractured wrist in the past. The evidence was enough for Brackett to request the investigation.

Roy knew that the rescues with kids always upset his friend, but something about abuse cases seemed to rattle Johnny more. This worried Roy as he drove for home. What is it about abused children that affected Johnny so much?

Johnny arrived at his apartment, slipped his Rover into his usual parking spot, crossed his arms over the steering wheel and lowered his head onto them. _Man I am so tired. I don't know if I can even make myself get out of this car and up the stairs to my bed. Well can't sit here all day. What would the neighbors think? _He slowly unbuckled his seatbelt and slid from the car, but sleep evaded the man.

After trying to shut down his brain for over an hour, Johnny got up from the bed and decided to try the couch and a little TV to stop the memories from invading his peace. That did not do any good either. Deciding to go ahead and get a start on helping Roy with his wife's honey do list, Johnny found himself pulling in front of the Desoto home a couple of hours ahead of the agreed 2 oclock. Since Roy was probably still napping, Johnny went to start on trimming the bushes. Maybe he would not make too much noise and wake Roy up. He worked at a steady pace and finished the bushes in no time. Pulling the lawn mower out he decided it might be in need of a tune up. Joanne had known when Johnny had arrived, but she also knew her friend well. Deciding that he must not have been able to sleep and that he was really trying not to disturb Roy she did not disturb his actions. Instead she watched him from the kitchen window just out of sight. Joanne thought that something must be weighing heavy on her friend, because he looked like a hurt little boy, a very lonely hurt little boy.

Roy came into the kitchen around 1:30. Seeing his wife at the window with coffee he slipped behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "How long has he been here?"

"About an hour and a half, he must not have been able to sleep. What has him so upset Roy?" Joanne asked her sleepy eyed husband. "Did you guys have a bad run last night?"

"Yeah, it was a little boy who appeared to have suffered some child abuse. I don't know why those runs seem to upset Johnny so much. I sometimes wonder if he knew someone that was abused, or if maybe something happened to him as a child."

"Oh Roy not our Johnny, why would anyone want to hurt him. He is so gentle and caring. Besides most kids that suffer abuse are very shy and introverted, Johnny is certainly not shy or introverted."

"I know, but there is definitely something about the abuse that gets him rattled every time. Maybe he'll talk to me about it when he is ready. Well I guess I had better get out there and help him with my chores."

"Have some coffee and lunch first sweetheart. I'll fix some sandwiches, and we can call your partner in for lunch. You know he is always hungry, and I made chicken salad just the way he likes it."

The three friends settled around the kitchen table with sandwiches and ice tea. Both Roy and Joanne sensed hesitancy with Johnny almost like he did not want to allow himself to relax and enjoy their time together, so the meal was eaten almost in silence.

"Johnny would you like another sandwich?" Joanne asked trying to break the uncomfortable quiet.

"Um no Joanne I think I'm good," he said as he sat back and rubbed his belly in his satisfied John Gage fashion. "Roy I think we may need to run to the hardware for some oil for your mower unless you have some that I overlooked."

"Okay Johnny and thanks for tuning my mower. What ever would I do without you?" Roy slapped his friend on the back and chuckled.

Shrugging his shoulders Johnny gave a slight imitation of his famous crooked grin at his friends teasing. "I don't know Pally," he said as he slid his chair back and reached for his dirty dishes to put them in the sink.

"I'll get those Johnny, why don't you boys go on your field trip to the hardware and pick up some ice cream on the way back. I'm making a chocolate cake for desert and ice cream would go well with that," Joanne hoped that the prospect of his favorite cake and ice cream would perk up her friend.

"Sure thing Jo," Johnny said in response with a much bigger grin. "Do you want vanilla? It's my favorite."

"Yes Johnny, I think vanilla would be perfect," she said as she stood on her tip toes to give him a kiss on the cheek all the while thinking that her idea had at least lifted his mood a little bit.

"Let's go in the Rover Roy, I need to stop for gas anyway."

"Okay Junior whatever you say after all you are the one who has taken charge of my honey do list."

The two men laughed together at Roy's statement. Maybe things were looking up.

The afternoon went by without any fuss and before the two men knew it they were being tackled by the two Desoto children as they ran from the bus stop. "Uncle Johnny! Daddy! You're home!"

Grabbing Jenny in a big hug Johnny spun her around a few times soliciting a bunch of little girl giggles while Roy did the same with Chris. "Dad, I'm too old for you to do that," his son told him through his laughter.

"If you're too old son then why do you like it so much?"

"It's not cool for my friends to see you treating me like a little kid."

Johnny's mood immediately took a turn downwards as he visibly saddened at Chris' reaction to his dad's loving actions. "I had better get these tools put away," he said as he turned from the group.

Roy had immediately noticed a change in his friend that concerned him greatly. "Kids you need to take your school things inside and get cleaned up for dinner. Your mom made chocolate cake for desert."

"Yippie!" the two children ran for the house and Roy went to find his partner.

Roy found Johnny in the garage standing staring into space. "Talk to me Johnny. Let me help you with whatever has you so worked up today. Come on out to the deck and I'll get us some lemonade. Okay?"

"Okay Roy. Lemonade sounds really good right now. Um do you think I could get a quick shower before we eat?"

"Sure Junior. I think you have a change of clothes in the spare room."

The two friends went to the deck via the kitchen to get the lemonade. They sat in quiet companionship while they enjoyed their drinks. Then the flood of emotions overtook the younger man. "God Roy, every time I think I have gotten past this we get a run with another abused kid." Johnny held his head in his hands.

"Get passed what Junior?"

"When I was a kid my dad, he didn't beat me up…well he did strike me a few times, but mostly he told me how worthless I was. Sometimes I think it would have been better if he had beaten me. At least that would have been some kind of attention. He never spent time with me. He never had a kind word for me. All he ever did was ridicule me and tell me I was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. You now my mother died when I was very small. Dad was all I had left, and he was never around, most of the time I was at the ranch by myself. Sure he bought groceries and we had a garden, so I was fed, but even on the holidays he always had somewhere else that he preferred to be. I suffered from a very low self esteem for a long time. It was not until I moved in with my aunt here in California that I overcame some of the self doubt and insecurities his treatment had caused. All I ever wanted was for him to love me the way he did when my mother was alive. We were such a happy family. We celebrated Christmas and birthdays. After she died there was nothing to celebrate. It just tears me up inside to see parents hurt innocent children. There was nothing I could do to change the way he felt." Johnny got up and left the back yard heading into the garage to finish cleaning up the tools he used tuning the mower.

Following his friend into the garage Roy stood for a moment to gather his words. This was important and he wanted to be absolutely sure that he said the right thing. "Johnny, I had no idea that you were treated that way. I can only tell you that you are a good man. You are compassionate and caring. You certainly do not act introverted or insecure now, so you have obviously worked very hard to become the man you are today. I am proud to be your friend, we are proud to be your family," Roy told his friend. "You did not let your father's actions towards you turn you into a bitter person. You made choices for yourself. You made a conscious decision to be different. You have honored your father and your mother be being the best person that you can be. That is what makes a man. The choices he makes not the things that were done to him. It is how he responds to those things in life that makes him the man he becomes. You are a good man, because of your choices."

"I don't know Roy. What if I do finally find a wife and we have kids only to find out that I am just like my father?"

"Never happen Johnny. You chose to be a better person. You found a career involved with helping people through their difficulties. You are wonderful with children."

"Roy we are trained to work with children. I just follow protocol when we have rescues involving kids."

"No way Johnny, you have a caring openness with kids. You put them at ease a lot better than any other paramedic I know including myself. You talk to them in a way that they understand and you never belittle them or make them feel stupid like they do not understand what is happening. You amaze me with your ability to calm people, adults and children alike." Roy put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "You will be a wonderful father someday Johnny."

"I don't know Roy. I see the way you are with Chris and Jenny. You teach them things. You let them know when they have done something wrong without making them feel like they can never gain your love again. You help them to understand why you are upset with them. My dad never did that. He just yelled and cursed me. Even when I had done everything he asked of me to the best of my ability he still told me I was worthless. How do I go on to have my own children and not fall into his footsteps? How do I make sure that I do not become him?" Johnny's shoulders slumped and he hung his head looking at his feet. Roy could see the tears welling up in Johnny's eyes.

"Johnny look at me." Roy paused to get Johnny's attention. "Look at me Junior."

Johnny slowly raised his head meeting Roy's eyes.

"You have already shown me what a wonderful teacher you are. What a wonderful father you will be. You have helped my children with school projects, helped Chris earn several of his scout badges, and how many men would be patient enough to play with Barbie dolls with a little girl. You are a member of our family. Sometimes I find myself jealous of how well you can get things under control when my kids get rowdy. Chris and Jenny love you Johnny. They respect you. They look up to you. You earned that Johnny. You earned it through patience, compassion, and your love for them. You will never do anything to hurt your own children. You have proven it with the way you are with mine. I would not trust anyone more to take care of my kids if something were to ever happen to Joanne and me." Roy then took his friend into an embrace. Holding Johnny in a very un-macho way for a few minutes he hoped that his friend understood just how important he was to the Desoto family. Stepping back from his best friend Roy looked into Johnny's deep brown eyes to see if he understood. "Johnny you are like a brother to me. I would not let you slip into any kind of behavior that would hurt you or anyone else. I will always be here for you, but I have no doubt that you will never need me to remind you of that."

"Roy….I..uh…thanks." Johnny once again looked at his feet. A few minutes passed before he looked up and spoke again. "I can only tell you that I always wanted to be a good person. I can only hope that someday I get the chance to show my own kids how wonderful they are, how life is a gift to be cherished. I remember when I was very little and my mom was still alive. We would go camping and my dad would show me how to fish and set up camp. We were so close Roy. I guess he blamed me somehow when he was left to raise me. Thank you Roy for reminding me that my life is a gift too." Johnny reached out and grasped his friend's hand securing their bond of friendship he pulled Roy into another embrace. "Thank you Roy for being my best friend, my brother."

The two friends stood for a few moments in awkward silence. All this emotional stuff was not what either man was comfortable with and they did not know what to do next. Just about that time Chris came into the garage and announced that dinner would be ready in a few minutes and that Joanne wanted everyone to clean up. Johnny and Roy looked at each other and laughed. They were happy that Chris had come at that moment to give them an escape from the drama that had just transposed.

"I don't know about you Roy, but I can't wait for that chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream. I'm starved."

"Johnny you are always hungry."

The two friends went into the house with a newly found understanding for each other. Roy knew that someday John Roderick Gage would find his soul mate and together they would raise their children with love and kindness. Roy thought to himself that Johnny would probably not even spank his kids when they needed it. He would probably hug them into submission instead. Chuckling to himself at the thought he disappeared into his home and closed the door to the memories of yet another bad run with an abused child.

Tomorrow would bring a whole new set of rescues.

A whole new set of issues that he and his partner, his best friend, his brother would face together.

Because that is what families do.


End file.
